HELLO OUT THERE!!!
It's way past medication time for somebody in
the cozy little writers room at NBC. This site if for fans...people who
actually like the show and want it to succeed. This should be viewed as
constructive criticism, and just under the crusty surface, this entire site is
filled with real true love, the kind of love Queenmarcia gave all five of her
x-husbands. And now, some heaping servings of love from the court
jesters... a love fest!
Signs you watch WAAAAAY too much Passions
From: beedogg
You actually believe you'll get laid merely by waving a condom in
front of someone's face.
You can't figure out why O.J. didn't just tell the cops that he
knew who the real killer was but that he moved to South America,
"so, you don't have to worry about HIM anymore."
Your teen wrecks her 12th car this month and you hardly blink.
You drop a minimum of $86 a week on hair gel.
Your house is burning down, your mother is screaming your name,
roaring flames have engulfed your bedroom, and you? ZZZZZZZZZZZZZ
You proclaim blue jeans and an unbuttoned J. Crew shirt to be
proper attire for a game of one-on-one basketball in your
driveway.
Not only do you talk to yourself more than you talk to other
people ... YOU MAKE TAPES OF IT!!!
You've altogether stopped acknowledging those pesky "Please wait
to be seated" signs in restaurants.
You insist on removing your shirt when helping motorists because
you just can't stand the thought of getting oil on that tight
white tanktop that you got in a 3-pack for $6.99 at Wal-Mart.
You check the crime reports in your newspaper every day to see
how
many people got arrested for having a campfire on the beach in
the
middle of the day.
Are your sister and niece dying? Sounds like a good time to sit
around on the couch!
You quit surfing the net for fear of fire-breathing heads
eminating from your monitor.
If there actually were an American equivalent to Princess Diana,
you'd fully expect to see her at the freakin' Lobster Shack with
some drifter named Hank.
and finally ...
You shamelessly set the single-day world record for backstabbing,
betrayal, lying, deceit and overall despicable conduct aimed at
your friends and family members, because after all, what could
possibly be more true than a 16-year-old "in love"?
WOAH - QUEENMARCIA ALMOST FELL OUT HER THRONE AFTER READING THAT
Timmyfan -Stichey@aol.com for all of my royal subjects
who wish to pay homage to this fine wit had a few tips of his own:
- If your brother says that he has to go to bed in order to
get up at dawn in order to help someone move, you still go into
his room with your friend in order to see if he wants to shoot
pool.
- You feel ok with calling Dominoes Pizza from Walden's
Book.
- You're drinking like the Rat Pack with your stuffed
animals.
- You don't think that it is problematic when you hear that
police in your town are unable to act due to the fact that they
leave their cars in various locations around town.
- You expect Private Investigators to do additional work on
their own time because of their tremendous integrity.
- Your idea of hot sex is to rub your partner's shoulders
- You start to refer to everyone you know as if they were
an assassin or a serial killer ("Why, that's Mark David
Chapman! And there goes John Earl Ray! And over there is John
Wilkes Boothe! Hey, this is just like Officer Luis Lopez-
Fitzgerald said it would be. Let's go Tammy Margaret Smith").
- Someone blabbers about a talking statue and "evil forces"
yet you don't feel inclined to commit them to a sanitarium, but
rather just offer them some pain relief.
- You're going to be reunited with a long lost sibling, but
for some reason you don't want to drive 15 minutes to see them,
but rather run out to purchase some computer equipment in order
to chat with them for just that evening.
- You can only say a Hail Mary with your head tilted and
your hand on the kitchen faucet.
- You expect some twisted fruit of a boy to "make you a
woman."
- You're lost in the woods and expect to see a sign that
alerts you of the city limits.
- You attend movies with your eyes closed because you "love
the music."
- You go to see The Sixth Sense but are disappointed when
they don't give out a baseball cap that reads, "TSS."
And lastly...
- You hear about a house fire yet don't even bat an eye
when you learn that two people died even though the town's Fire
Chief and a Chief of Police were right there at the scene in the
front yard. It also doesn't bug you that the TV news can do a
better job of finding fires than the actual fire department.
You still just shrug your shoulders when you learn that because
another fire was in the area, these people died since there
weren't enough fire trucks (and I'm assuming Dalmatians to sniff
out the fire, since no one seems to be able to see smoke) to go
around. In spite of all this, you still are not shocked when
Dateline does the expose that reveals that both victims were in
the front room screaming through an open window requesting help,
yet no one even tried to assist them. In addition, that fact
still pale in comparison to the news that the Police Chief was
in the middle of Internet chat session, yet still didn't contact
911 when he learned of the fire. No, you don't even flinch, not
even when you learn that the blaze lasted a full week. The only
thing that surprises you is that you missed the year when
guessing the Dateline Timeline (Geez, you were positive "Wake Me
Up Before You Go Go" came out in 1986).
I didn't drink Mar-Timmy's before I started watching Passions
LET'S ALL BREATHE IN, BREATHE, OUT AND WATCH ANOTHER EPISODE!
And now, on a more serious note, one poor fan, after weeks of devoted viewing began wondering whether she was having those lsd flashbacks we were always promised. She kept seeing and hearing the same things, OVER, and OVER, and OVER, and OVER. After finally seeking professional help and finding out it was actually reality, that the producers and writers of her show were deliberately torturing her with repetitive, ridiculous, contrived crap, she deliriously labeled other fans as CRAZY . The poor girl was so frustrated looking for talent, intrigue, and somewhat conclusive and believable stories with believable actors and believable characters , she finally had to stop watching! This letter from timmyfan was hopefully the kind of tough love that brought her back to her senses:
Me, crazy? I'm not the one who's going to walk away from
the show with the talking doll, the woman with the "All-A-
Dollar" jewelry who can turn into cujo, the two twins who have
as much luck of getting together as Gilligan had getting off of
the island, the teen slut who hides her hair under a rag so that
it can be properly teased for when she stuffs tube socks into
her wonderbra and tries to seduce a boy who would rather wrestle
with his brother in front of another man than drive ten minutes
to check on his walking "Got Milk" advertisement, the cop that
can't handle himself in an emergency, the other cop with the
tongue twister for a name, the holy kitchen disposal, the blind
priest who fights evil in his spare time with the help of his
crying statue, the private detective that can't spot a fright
wig when he sees one, the return of sleepwalking as a plot
device, catfights galore, women touching other women's naughty
bits as well as a house fire that is slower than the ascent of a
civilization. This week has been as boring as the LA riots!
Feel free to walk away from Passions, pal. With all of this
action overriding plausibility and good sense, no one will miss
you!
One Mar-Timmy for my baby and one more for the road!
Timmyfan
THE QUEEN'S COUNSEL RECOMMENDS YOU BE KNIGHTED , SIR TIMMYFAN, FOR YOUR HEART
WRENCHING EFFORTS TO KEEP VIEWERS SUPPORT FOR OUR SHOW
" We may affirm absolutely that nothing great in the world has ever
been accomplished without passion. "
~ Georg Hegel ~
(1770-1831, German Philosopher)
contributed by little darnella
And now some great ideas for you entrepreneurs out there:
PASSIONS MERCHANDISE IDEAS- From: elmo_girl
Today's show was, by far, one of the
worst episodes they've aired so far. Isn't it amazing how the
blind priest could just look straight at his cane on the bench
and grab it without having to feel around or anything?! Truly
amazing!! Anyways, I've come up with great merchandising ideas
that would make NBC beaucoup bucks!!
~The Passions Angel Figurines- Used by Faith
herself!! Wonderful for keeping the forces of darkness away from
you, and even looks great on the mantel!! Just make sure you
remember where you packed them when you move, or else there
could be trouble!!
~The Frank Lomaxx Detective Kit- Since we all know
what a great detective (and actor) Frank is, you too can solve
your towns stalker problems by using this simple kit!! All you
have to do is open up the box and....oh!! It's empty!! Oh well,
at least you get the box!!
~The Theresa Lopez-Fitsgerald Disguise Kit- There is
no doubt Theresa is a master of disguise!! You too can fool your
friends, family, and employers!! Watch your dream come true as
you hide from people you spill disgusting things on, they will
have no clue who you truly are!! You could even work at their
mansion!! All made simple, thanks to this kit.
~Tabitha's bangle jewelry- Tabitha truly has a
wonderful sense of fashion. You too could look like you just
stepped out of a 99 Cent Store with these great bangle bracelets
and necklaces!! Even 3 extra large ones for your German
Shepherd!! What more could you possibly want?!
~The Charity Punching Bag- Each time that girl just
gets on your nerves a little too much, you can simply punch the
ugly clothes off of her by punching this bag!! Only $19.95!!
~Tabitha's Computer Software- You too can scare the
heck out of your friends by installing this simple computer
program!! Once installed, all you have to do is press your face
against the screen of your computer and threaten them!! Great
for April Fool's Day!
HA-HA QUEENMARCIA'S JESTERS RULE!!
click my castle to come home with me
special thanks to castle gif artist at KarmaStormWebAnimators and lighthouse gifs by AnimationCity