OCTOBER LEAVES

It's a good thing they're fallin' cause there's lots of crap to cover up! Good girl, Tabby, scratch those leaves over your business there.

It's fall in Harmony- poor Faith fell and couldn't get up during the fire that was so hot, even the swimming pool burned down.  Maybe she broke a toe  kicking Tabby in her hardened heart during that ninja cat and dog fight.    After her Leave and let Die scheme seemed to be working, Tabby was dog tired , but things only got worse later. Tweedledemon  looked like she was dead in her living room later, but my guess is that the heat was so intense where she went that it woke her up. The biggest piece of crap (other than the very obvious stuff stuck to their shoes for the whole world to smell-- which was how long the derned thing burned and how nobody could do anything about it)  is that even though  it was intense enough to completely destroy absolutely everything including poor Faith, some nice wood and her SHOE! were  still ok.

 Here is my theory:  The shoe was asbestos.  Poor Faith bought the shoes at a crappy thrift store where she bought all of Charity's crappy clothes.   Maybe evil made her do it.  Little  did she know they were asbestos shoes, donated years ago before they knew how dangerous asbestos is.  She was exhibiting all the signs of asbestos poisoning before the fire...obsessive, paranoid behavior along with depression, and most victims have tendencies to talk to statues or to themselves if the statues won't listen, plus they have this really horrible sniveling," I think I just ate some crap " look stuck on their faces most of the time.  Poor Tweedledumb!  But we're not buying this "she's dead" crap.  Now that she's outta those shoes, she'll soon be thinking straight, and she'll get to be Tweedledee, demoting poor Grace, " never race any place" Bennett to Tweedledumb.

• And speaking of Grace, Princess Joannakathryn has renamed her Tweedledynamo.  How are we supposed to believe that she can do all that crap and  still be such a slow poke?   Her sister, whom she waited twenty years to see and planned to see the next morning (before the benefit?) , is presumed dead, her niece is hospitalized, presumably with the family disease, amnesia, in and out of consciousness, and she's got time to visit the hospital, plan the benefit, take charge of the donations, and bake an entire table full of cakes and run the whole show still looking like she slept.  Is she manic depressive/bi-polar too?
•  
• And since when is amnesia, a rare condition,  genetically predisposed?  Two people in one soap opera with amnesia is ridiculous crap.  I found it amusing that after posting this question on the nbc passions forum board, 3 days later Kay made reference to it.... some quick editing perhaps, or maybe evil is still out there. I guess it's not too farfetched that they saw what crap that idea was and decided to mention themselves how ridiculous it was.  I also thought it was a cute coincidence that my story about Sheridan falling down on top  of Luis on the basketball court and getting tangled up on his badge pin were quite similar to the one where Theresa was stuck to Ethan and Sheridan fell on Luis, and my story was published weeks before their shows.  Then today, Timmy quoted from the letter he got here, posted on my site, from Mike Tyson when he did his little fighters dream.
•  
• The weird part is if they are reading the board, then why don't they stop all the repetition and flashbacks that people say will make them quit watching.  If these people take the time to write how they are about to become former watchers, think of how many people just couldn't take any more crap and didn't bother to say so, just changed the channel.  I just hope they do whatever it takes to keep the show on the air, and if they have to get material from somewhere other than their own writers,  they could get in deep crap for that sort of thing.  Who knows what other sites they could be raping.  Even Theresa thinks they may have taken her story straight from Cinderella!  We all know there is a lot of fairy tale potential in this show, which brings me to poor Miguel...
•  
• His true love, Charity, was forced into unconsciousness due to viewer pressure from diabetics who feared all that sickeningly sweet crap would trigger diabetic comas. Where in the heck are her burns? 
•  
•  Kay's character is starting to whine and act more and more like the ridiculous dreamer Theresa, especially with that ring crap.  I know they've saved a lot of time with the love at first sight  for so many characters,  but he's only known Charity for a week. An appropriate jewelry purchase for Miguel  , all things considered , would be  a nice cross for Charity and  for Kay, a double cross. I'm sure Kay can take him to the jeweler she uses  when  she needs to get fitted for her tiny  bras. Or maybe he could get her a setting for the wart she'll be growing on her nose.  She's certainly been quite the witch.   That hairdo looked like devil horns that slid down the back of her slimy head complete with that string of hair that looked like a dipole antenna for evil signals she may need to pick up on. 
•  
• So,  Kay, Tweedlediablita, named once again by the clever Princess Joannakathryn,  decided to brainwash Charity, and since she didn't have an eyedropper handy, she decided to use her tape recorder.  I don't think anyone in the viewing audience can buy the crap about those tapes working, and I do think most people know what subliminal means, and it certainly wasn't that.   What Kay did was like getting your face rubbed in crap,  subliminal is getting something you like and not knowing there is crap lurking at a level only the subconscious mind detects...like putting a little dog poop in a big pot of spaghetti when your fourth x-husband's family comes over for dinner, and they were always bitching at you for not using enough garlic, not having enough flavor, blah blah freeking blah, and you pay them back, and it's so cool and you never forget it because it was so satisfying watching their faces and listening to their yummy noises, ...oh yeah but anyway. So I think that tape, played for that length of time,  was even less likely to work than a real subliminal tape I saw at the nature store audio department called, "Subliminals to Increase Your Bust Size"--no crap, I saw this for real when I was purchasing "How to Erase Someone From your Mind"  after the fifth divorce.  Then , just when we were hoping to see some real crap hit the hospital fan, a thirtysomething, very straight looking nurse, (Nurse Kevorkian?) brings in her own collection of hip hop music for Tweedledumpling to hear. Oh yeah,  and she probably is nothing like you  would assume by first impressions. By day she saves lives but wears a garter belt with her white nylons.  She was written up by her superiors for coming to work with black undergarments on under her nurses uniform.  By night,  she parties  with her husband, Dr. Mortal Headwound   , a rapper she met at her   second job  where she's  a dancer with  the Danny Otario  Revival at Nacho Mama, the new Mexican Restaurant/night club soon to be introduced as a  Harmony hangout  for locals.
•   
• This will no doubt be the backdrop for when Chad encounters Eve , the story of Eve's "dark secret"....  "I know her from some where," he says aloud but talking to himself and looking in her direction as she approaches the restaurant.  "Who are you",  he blurts out obviously stumped.  He always talks to himself never worrying whether someone will hear him because that's the Harmony way. 
•  
•  Then ,as Eve enters the restaurant,  she appears to be looking directly at him as he sits at the table by the door studying her and wondering aloud.   She is actually looking right over his head  and reading the sign aloud,  "Nacho Mama", she exclaims. But to Chad, she was screaming the answer to the question that set him on the road to Harmony..." who am I. " Later, the restaurant offers to sell him a copy of the tape showing her outside the restaurant saying "Nacho Mama", so he can use it to play for himself ,over and over in order to subliminally deprogram himself from the heartbreak.  All restaurants in Harmony have outside cameras pointing toward the street.
•  
• Anyway, Chad's thick skull has been protecting his weak mind all these years, and his head is flooded with memories, not the  memory of the guy punching him out, not  the memory of his crappy song that we're sick of,    but  the memory of his mom packing his lunch and sending him off to school.  She looks exactly like, yes, Tweedledoc, only with a giant afro and a lot bigger nose.  She is dressed like June Cleaver, smiling and waving him out the door. When lunch time comes around, he opens his lunch box to find that his sandwich is wrapped in a road map.  The whole thing eats away at his little mind until it apparently starves to death.  Maybe his bulimic brain( rejects all rational thinking i.e. I came to Harmony with no money, but I don't want a handout) will be a good match for the anorexic Whitney.  Or maybe , we'll get lucky and he'll jaywalk while Sheridan is driving by.  Have you noticed how your screen actually lights up when he leaves.   
•  
• The first day Chad appeared, I thought , "what the heck ..don't tell me it's cancelled already."  I thought I had the wrong show.  They have successfully avoided anything new for so long, it shocked the crap out of me that a new character had appeared.
•  
•  I thought he was cute for about the first ten seconds, then he opened his mouth, and his foot practically fell through my tv screen.  I thought his street talk was the most repulsive thing   on the show, but then  I watched as he   walked, slid, shuffled, dragged  one leg across  the screen.  All those studio scenes were so boring, I actually fast forwarded through most of them,  and that  contrived fight idea was pure crap.  Like your boss is gonna punch you out for whatever. I know that boss spelled backwards is S O B , but I think the time clock actually punched Chad  when he got to work.   Why couldn't they give the guy some class! 
•  
• Then,  of course,  this  new adult black male finds a black teenager to fall for him.  When will a twenty something man in this show fall for someone over 18.  They need to get some more young guys  for these man hungry teenaged girls other than Miguel and Reese, who is gone off to  bug identification  camp I guess with the Eagle Scouts.   
•  
• As soon as T.C. wonders why his little girl , Tweedlenabler is smiling at  Tweedleloser,   Tweedledufas, the chief of police is ready with his police skills evaluation ...Love! not flirting, not attraction, but love . I felt like a puppy getting my face smushed in crap over and over again, the way they set up the Simone thing with him.  Wow, how original and surprising!  Only a person with total crap for brains couldn't see that poor  Tweedlenabler, was destined to meet this miscreant.  Up until then, her crappy wardrobe was the only colorful part of her character.  I think they dress her like a clown so no one will notice she's better looking than the other girls....except when she's making that face where she swoons like a goon over this baboon.  That  stupid face she makes  is just revolting.  It reminds me of the cartoon character who just got clobbered  and the little birdies  are circling and tweeting overhead.  She really looked stupid telling him her mother was a doctor when  he seemed so disinterested in her.  Her only hope was to offer him a house call, so she did. 
•  
•  Of course Tweedledoc is absolutely right about him, but the way they had her tell  Simone was such a joke.   Evidently people in Harmony know immediately either by sight or name if they like you , love  you or don't give a crap about you.  Eve's coy delivery and  street kid evaluation only made her more boorish than she was for the first two months  of the show , when she was just a boring character that no one gave a crap about.  After having half of her nose removed, it's pretty difficult  to believe that she still has enough left to stick it up in the air like that.  With his violent nature, and her new football hairdo, he might just kick her Tweedleass. 
•  
• I'm still trying to figure out this crap about not wanting handouts.  He told Beth he'd be right back after he saw the price of his order.  Right back after what--I borrow the money...I rob a bank..  I  marry a rich woman....I pull my mad money out of my secret hiding place which requires a little  privacy.  What was he thinking he would do when he saw the headlines , which by the way were the same as the headlines twenty years later, and set out on the highway of life  only to need a freeway.  Off he went on his coast to coast, boast to boast journey to Harmony with no money or job.   But he's not a complete loss for the show.  He's a horrible role model, and he's multi-talented.  He can talk and piss you off at the same time.   He looked like he wanted to steal those sandwiches, looking all shifty-eyed as he fingered the goods.   Maybe Miguel picked up on it subliminally  and was thinking Tweedleloser might  be good at stealing bases too, but they never got around to talking sports. It was so sweet of Miguel to  welcome him like that, though.  Who says femininity is dead in America! 
•  
• And speaking of femininity, now that Theresa doesn't have to worry about graduating from high school in jail as she said, she can start dressing to show her own personal style..."Fashions by Anita Mann."    She must have waxed her stomach and back both in order  to harvest enough hair for that hairpiece she was wearing and be able to  wear that crop top.  The way her forehead hair is closing in on her face looks so awful, and the sideburns are getting longer than Ethan's.   If she could get  rid of that hair too, she could make extensions and sell them to Kay next time Kay needs a makeover. Or she could make a new mustache for Ethan to wear in fantasy scenes like that stinky Gone with the Wind crap.  Yuk, it's a wonder Ethan couldn't feel the hair on her hands in that dark theatre.... like he couldn't smell the difference between French perfume by Christian Dior   and Eau de Do Dah Day  from Frederico's of Harmony.   
•  
•  
• Actually that movie  that they saw was another version, not the famous one.  In this one, a guy thinks he's gotta break wind and a turd flies out and sticks to his face and just dangles there like a crooked moustache ...a  turd   stuck sideways over his mouth like a little dangler blowing ...gone with the wind.  The guy in the scenes we saw looked just like Ethan with his beastly wanna- be Jason Priestly hairdo and that dingleberry stuck over his lip.  It looked like it was about to fall off any minute.
•  
• Now that Tweedletwit  is  finished repairing all the damage she did  she's back to fantasyland with her dreams  of wrecking Tweedle-do-me's  future with Ethan.   Gwen  seems to rule Ethan's emotions, and he is crazy about her in the bedroom, but she may need some new angles now that Theresa has emerged from her coo-coon.  Gwen has taken a lot of crap about her looks, although I personally like  her.  She is supposed to be a model, but for what, saddles?  If Horsy Gwen and Chad the Ass got together, would they have a mule?  Or a Crane!! It's pretty clear that he is Julian's son with Tweedledoc, but is Tweedlenabler also the daughter of Julian.  Wow, that would be Tweedleicky. 

Or what if Theresa slips at the ballet and loses a glass slipper on that Cinderella outfit-(that was some bull crap) or the clock strikes twelve and she becomes a mouse again and can't work.  Wouldn't it be funny if Simone had to fill in as fashion consultant and Chad as correspondent answering Ivy's mail-think about it--that would make a good sat nite live skit.  They really should do something on this show.   Anyway, Ivy goes to get her clothes for the day and finds Simone has gotten a picnic tablecloth out of the laundry room thinking it's a shawl and pairs  it with some tribal costume  that Ivy received from the zimbabwe consul while vacationing.  Chad answers her mail in ebonics, and she receives anonymous literature about a retreat for people with brain damage. 

•  
• Eve said  she looked at Whitney and knew that because Whitney was   level headed , and some  other attributes never associated with T.C. that Whitney got these traits from him.  Now how is that crap supposed to make sense?    
•  
• It is dangerous to eat or drink while watching this show, because you really don't know when you're going to spew over the crap they say and do.  When  Pilar said Ethan could be president, I practically choked laughing, especially at her expression when she said it.  Pretty good acting !    Of course, if you think about it we did have an actor, and some other pretty odd guys in that office for real. I'm sure Ethan  wouldn't have to worry about his I.Q..    That's nothing!  And why am I not surprised that  Theresa said she couldn't figure out how to plan the dinner party.  Well, when is she ever in school to learn anything ?   She probably couldn't spell RSVP! 
•  
• So what about that dinner party, or the "boring soiree" as Julian put it.  That should really stir up the crap.  Remember when Tabby said   at the carnival that T.C. would be  killing someone ?  Who will that be??   Maybe he'll catch some crap for wearing his bowling shoes to the dinner and get angry and start some crap.    Maybe the tomato  soup cake has a peanut butter frosting, that would make sense, and Julian is allergic to peanuts, so doesn't eat any, but Eve does .  Later during dinner, Julian chokes on a juicy caper, and Eve rushes to give him cpr.  (right after she puts her ear to his chest to hear if he's breathing)  She can't hear anything cause everybody's spazing out, so she starts the mouth to mouth and he gets the peanut breath and goes in cardiac arrest/respiratory failure because of his severe peanut allergy, and he is now in the hospital ---many endings to that one.    I actually spewed my soda watching today as Julian warned Ethan to use protection...in that town protection can mean anything from the obvious to bad wardrobe to garlic and holy water.  Julian is starting to say some real funny crap.  Just his stupid lines and his nonchalant delivery  are starting to amuse me.   
  •  

  Sheridan and Luis at the gym were over their crap for about two minutes, and that was heaven.  The way they squabble over everything  is ridiculous.  Most people wouldn't give a crap about the stuff they make into a passionate fight between these two.  But that locker room scene was the most passion they've had.  (See Luis displays the family Jewels page and read all the crap they were really thinking)  That Robert Horry was a horry bull actor, but he sure made everyone else's acting look good.  I think they do ok with the acting, most of them, and after all they do say mostly the same crap day after day.   

  So that was pretty passionate in the locker room, and if they need any crap to use as filler in the future, I'm sure they can use that scene without getting any crap about it.   Also when Luis carried Sheridan out of the Lobster Shack, after wielding his mighty axe to rescue the American princess, Hank and Beth should have volunteered for the magician's next act-the vanishing one.   Not much happened with Hank or Jessica this month.

  •  
   Still, I love the show.  it's campy, and contrived, but addicting.  They actually let something happen this month, so let's hope they stay on the air.  If you like to dish the dirt on the show, come to Sir  Joseph's message board  where you can laugh and also read some great plot ideas and comments.  The link is on my main page, and at the bottom of this one.  The crap I write here is  directed towards the characters, not the actors themselves whom I'm sure are very cool people and probably extremely attractive in real life, with a few exceptions, and if you're reading this, you know who you are.  I've had plastic surgery myself, and it only makes sense in some situations.  I had a couple of things done, and let's just say I'm pretty tall even when I lie down.
  •  
  •   

                     

                      to Sir Joseph's Discussion Board   

                                                                      click star for commentary titles page

  

•  

     

 

 

•  
•  
•  
•  
•   
•  

•