YOU'RE INSANE, YOU'LL NEVER BE A CRANE!

As Jerry, Jerry, Jerry, concluded Ethan was shocked by the news that Theresa actually had been hiding the fact that she knew who the stalker was.  He demanded she tell him where this woman was hiding:

She's right here Ethan," and with that Theresa stood up, removing her jacket, slipping out of the bulky skirt, leaning over forward and low to take off the wig and glasses.  As she flung her beautiful long hair back up and swooped up to face him, the audience exploded with screams and wolf whistles...Jerry! Jerry! Jerry! Jerry! Jerry!

Ethan's mouth fell open and he looked like he'd seen the demon in Tabby's basement.  He shot out of his chair, flung the rose to the floor, grabbed Theresa's arm and exploded,  "Oh my God, YOU'RE that woman who's been stalking me?! I can't believe it Theresa.  I trusted you! "  Jerry's crew flew into action separating Theresa from Ethan's grip, and she pulled away with that look she's perfected where she looks like she's either facing the grim reaper or she missed her high colonic that morning. 

"No physical violence, Ethan," Jerry reminded him.  "We know you're upset, but you have to control your anger here, alright!"

"Okay, but I 'd be a lot more comfortable if you'd put her in a straight jacket!  This woman could destroy your set in five minutes, you know.  I hope you have a fire alarm handy, and raincoats for the everyone would have been a great idea!"  Ethan was on a rant! 

"You sound pretty upset, Ethan! " Jerry interrupted. "You're not buying her story about the accidents then?" 

"Accidents!"  Ethan was outraged and thoroughly disgusted.  " She's made my life a living hell!  I'd like to break her in half, but I wouldn't want two of her around. She's gone too far, Jerry.  I just wish she'd stayed there!  The only good thing about seeing her now is knowing she's not lurking around behind my back somewhere.!

Theresa sat looking down and off to the side away from Ethan, sniveling and sobbing like the Princess of wails.

Jerry handed the mike to a  middle aged woman in the audience who was nicely dressed.  "Theresa, you seem to think Ethan here should forgive and forget, and you say you're sorry and that you're not a stalker, but I don't think you realize that your actions prove just the opposite.  You followed him around, lurking at a distance , plotting to get to him and even dressing up like a chicken and posing as a waitress to trick him into talking to you.  You need professional help, dear.  If I had your mind, I'd want to be out of it too!"

Theresa defended herself, " Excuse me, but I didn't do anything wrong . I would never deliberately hurt Ethan!  Can't anyone believe me,  pleeeese!  " She shrieked like a halloween noise maker.

"Theresa," another woman took the mike, "No we cannot excuse you, and we do not believe you.  Do you know how stupid you sound or are you on the list for a brain transplant, because you should be.  "  She laughed and sat down and someone yelled out, "Yeah, maybe she got brainjacked on her way home one day!" 

Theresa stood up, ready to leave the room blubbering and shaking. 

Ethan yelled out at her, "For heaven's sake, leave.  It would be heaven if you did."  She sat back down and put her head in her hands, crying even more.  It was like someone looked at her and told her how repulsive she was. 

"You're so mixed up," he went on," you don't even know if you're coming or going.  Well I've got news for you Theresa, you're definitely going,  so why don't you just give that brain of yours a rest and get ready for a nice long leave of absence.  "

"So you think she should be prosecuted," Jerry asked. "I mean she says, she's innocent and her only dream in life was to be Mrs. Ethan Crane.  No crime in that."

"She's insane, she could never be a Crane. How she ever got an idea like that I can't imagine.  Her thick skull is obviously protecting her weakest body part." Ethan glared at Theresa as she sat there staring out at the audience with  tears streaming and liver lips quivering.  She looked like leftovers put in a waffle iron.

An audience member coaxed the mike from Jerry," I have a question for you, Ethan", she asked.  'How could you see her every day in that bad wig and those Clark Kent glasses and not recognize her as the stalker.  I mean, how could be around her all that time and not see through that phony look?" 

"Well, I usually don't forget a face, and in this case, I'll remember both of them.  I do feel ridiculous.  I mean I saw her every night in my nightmares.  I'll never forget the first time I laid eyes on her, but I know I'll try.  She did look familiar, but I thought it was just  a family resemblance to her mother.  Her mother is a wonderful woman, but she obviously hit the jerkpot when she had Theresa."  Ethan answered.

 Theresa shifted around in her chair trying to gather her dignity, but with the dew on her lips and the dew in her eyes, she really looked like dew dew. 

"So you don't really want to hurt her mother, I take it Ethan," Jerry asked.  "She 's the housekeeper who's been with you since you were a child, am I correct?" 

"I'll just be happy with the pleasure  of her absence at this point, Jerry."  Ethan replied.  "Now that the whole world knows what a dangerous, meddling, maniac she is, she should have her picture put in every dictionary under the word psycho.  I really don't want to hurt her family any more than she's already hurt them."  Ethan shot Theresa a look that would melt the maybelline off her big brown cow lashes.

"So that's that," Jerry declared. "Theresa, I suggest you try to go on with your life and be glad Ethan doesn't want to impose the stalker laws your state enforces for people like you, and Ethan, good luck. We'll be right back with the final thought."

 As Jerry announced it was time to leave , Theresa looked over at Ethan, and began to get up and move towards  him.   "Don't move, Theresa, "  Ethan warned her, "Just stay away from me.  I want to forget you just the way you are. On second thought, with these hot lights and that messy hair  you've got  growing into your eyebrows, and your sideburns   longer than Elvis Presley in " Viva las Vegas", I think  you really ought to go comb your face! You could get picked up by the dog catcher.

Ethan laughed as Theresa covered her face and cried.  She wouldn't be fooling him with any more disguises.   If he ever saw her again it would certainly ring a bell, an alarm bell! 

Jerry's Final Thought:  There's a huge difference between dreams and obsession.  Parents, if your teen fantasizes about someone he or she's never even met, you may think it's cute at first.  But when they line the bedroom walls with pictures of this person, dress up like a chicken to talk with them, burn down a restaurant and lose three jobs obsessing over this person, it's time for that mother/daughter, or father/son chat.  Otherwise, they could be chatting with the parole officer.  Be good to yourselves and to everybody else.  God bless!

I hope you liked it!

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